I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
