I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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