i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
