ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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