How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
