she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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