I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
