Are we in a gay sports bar?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
