I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
