Welp...herpes.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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