Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
