her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
