Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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