I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize