Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
