Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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