I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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