We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
