You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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