Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
