So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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