Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
