Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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