I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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