I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
