she woke up with a sticky ear
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
