sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
