Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
