Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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