hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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