Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
