Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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