Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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