this beer tastes like vomit already
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
