Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
