Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
