I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
