you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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