Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
