I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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