Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
