Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
