by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
