we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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