ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My ass is underappreciated
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
