I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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