Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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