Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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