even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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