i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
