Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
