please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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