Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
