i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
