she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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