when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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