it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do herpes really smell.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize