he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
