She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
