..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
