oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
