She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
