Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
