just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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