I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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