My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
