Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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