You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
